What drives you in life?

What drives you in life?

When I was 25 years old, I faced an existential crisis of sorts.

I had my elbow on the ass of a patient who wanted treatment for his lower back pain. I was young, driven to make a strong impact of the world and well… lost.

Is this what my life will come to? I asked myself.

Can I see myself repeating this course of action, 80% of my life, until the day I retire?

After a deliberation period of not so long (and by not so long, I mean 30 minutes at best).

I said to myself,

‘Fuck this, I’m not wasting my years on this crap.’

In hindsight, I probably should’ve spoken to some older gentlemen and mentors so they could guide me better.

But I also believe that deep down, we truly know ourselves best – and there is value in exercising choice without the input of others.

Some weeks later, I decided to quit, handing in my letter of resignation to my boss. He was a great boss. I learnt a lot from that guy. And he gave me plenty of opportunities. It was never about the job environment, it was always about the work itself.

I’m 31 now – having been an entrepreneur for the last six years. Truth is, I look back at my decision at the time and I do not regret anything. Obviously there are trade-offs, like how I probably don’t have as much money in my bank account as I would’ve if I stayed. But I did trade them for experiences that are invaluable. I won’t get into what they are because that’s not the point of this article.

As the title suggests, the question is: ‘what drives you/me in life?’

I shared the short story above because that was a clue for myself. A vital piece of the puzzle that I’m still trying to figure out for myself as it pertains to my ‘drive’ in life.

A lot of self-help coaches and gurus will claim they can help you find your life’s purpose/drive by doing what they prescribe. And I don’t think it’s scammy – some of them genuinely help others and they have the best intentions at heart.

What’s helped me in my life isn’t a book, or program that helped me ‘identify’ what my drive or purpose is. I believe the answers are too vague, too expansive, and too broad to be fully captured by any one program or book.

Instead, I think your life will leave you clues that guide you to where you want to be – and your job is to reverse engineer what that means to you. This is where having a strong vocabulary helps, as you cannot reverse engineer with words you do not know.

None-the-less, let me run you through some of the clues that have guided me to a deeper understanding of myself – and with it, the knowing of part of my life’s work… that is;

To leave timeless value behind.

Let me make it clear that a clue is not just what works, but what didn’t too. In this way, mundane interactions become clues. It is not just significant events that leave you with a ‘wow’ that act as signals. It is also boring, menial happenings that leave you with a ‘blergh’ feeling. All these are clues – and it is up to us to interpret them.

Clue #1 – What did I want to be as a child?

I would’ve been under 8 years old at this time and that is important. When you’re a kid, your motivations and desires are innocent. You’ve already been influenced by some extent your parents and social environment, but in my opinion, not so much that your decision making is filtered by your mind, and not by your heart (or soul).

As you grow older, your thoughts become polluted – not in the ‘bad’ sense, but rather that you start to attach meaning to things you see, as if they were your own. Like the idea of becoming an ‘influencer’ when you’re 13 because you see celebrities as cool. However, when you’re 8 years old, you don’t care about social status. You don’t care about money. You just ideate based off the ‘thing’ itself.

For me, I had two key aspirations.

1.      To become a firefighter – this was my first ever ‘dream job’ and it was primarily because I loved the chemistry of watching water put out fire. It seemed so cool to me. In fact, I used to love hosing the garden because I’d imagine little pockets of fire to put out. There is something about it, to this day, that still interests me.

2.      To become a writer/author – I loved making stories. Most of it was verbal in the form of bullshitting my parents, but I always had an active imagination. The funny thing is – I never enjoyed reading until much later in life (early 20s), but I always enjoyed writing. There was something magical about creating a world in your head, putting it on paper, and sharing it with the world. As of this writing, I’ve written two non-fiction pieces, both of which are over 100 pages long, AND I’ve created online courses and material exceeding 500 pages in length. My point is, mini-me knew. Mini-me ALWAYS knew. I just forgot.

Clue #2 – Why don’t I feel better about my achievements?

I’ve done some pretty cool shit in my life.

I’ve been coaching people in health and fitness since I was 20 years old.

When I was 25, I represented my country twice for the sport of Olympic Weightlifting.

When I was 28, I presented my ideas to an international audience.

When I was 30, I travelled the world as a digital nomad for 18 months.

Within each of those experiences, I can tell you exactly which ones left me wondering… ‘huh?’ And which ones left me knowing ‘yep, this is it.’

Let’s start with Olympic Weightlifting. I think most people in the world would say being an ‘athlete’ and representing their country would be a ‘cool’ thing to do. As a former athlete, I too, was enamoured by the idea of ‘representing my country.’

And then I put in the work to get there.

And then I did.

And I was thoroughly disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong – I think I only stand for 1% of all athletes. I’ve met athletes who are SO good at what they do because they see themselves as an extension of national pride. They carry the ‘I will do my country proud’ badge with everything they do. Not only this, but they constantly refer to their achievements as a method of status signalling.

I get it. But I never found that inherently satisfying or lucrative for my soul.

I still remember standing on the international platform thinking…

‘Is this it?’

I wondered to myself – why aren’t I more… content?

Why aren’t I happier?

Why aren’t I talking about this to everyone under the sun like almost all the other athletes?

The answer would come to me soon enough.

Clue #3 – I’ve seen the world and it wasn’t enough

When I was 30, I had the opportunity to travel the world indefinitely because I had grown an online health coaching business. I had enough income to live comfortably in regions like Asia doing all the things I wanted to do.

I seized the opportunity and travelled for almost 2 years. At first, I was captured by the beauty of my life. Think about this – I’d wake up whenever I wanted. See whatever I wanted. Do whatever I wanted.

Most people would say ‘that’s the dream.’

After a year of it all, I think that it wasn’t it.

Am I crazy? I thought. Shouldn’t I be enjoying this more?

One week I’m in Vietnam and the next, I’m in Laos.

One night I’m having dinner with a bunch of French people, and the next – I’m sitting solo by the Mekong.

What is there not to enjoy?

Some people make it their life’s mission to retire early – to do EXACTLY what I did, but that didn’t seem to be it for me.

Sure, it was always exciting to experience new things… but all new things eventually become old things. And all old things eventually become normalities in life.

Again, I wondered to myself… ‘why aren’t I more content?’

Clue #4 – Seeing my impact made the greatest impact

After experiencing the international competitive stage, and traveling the world for a while…

I was given the ‘clues’ as to what I didn’t want to do. I know that living for myself and experiencing ‘cool’ things wouldn’t give me lasting satisfaction.

So the best ‘clue’ I received from those experiences is…

What gives me lasting satisfaction?

And the humorous thing is that my younger self actually knew best, but my older self was able to unravel why.

It was everything I was doing all along.

I loved to coach people, watch them improve and know that I made a positive impact on their lives. But I didn’t measure positive impact from a testimonial or them ‘telling’ me that I did. I measured it from seeing my teachings play out in their life.

For example, I loved to teach people how to ‘squat’ because I could see my teachings in their technique. And I knew it was going to help them.

I also loved to teach people how to ‘sell’ or ask great questions because I could see them using it in their life at real time.

And I also loved to write pieces like this because I knew it would help them after they read it.

So I knew that impact was a key driver in my life.

Of course, I could also argue that being an athlete or world traveller could impact others, which it can. In fact, I’ve inspired others to go ‘do the same’ because they saw that it was possible for me. But that’s not the impact that seems to resonate with me. The impact I chase is quite practical. I want to upskill and empower others with knowledge and execution. Something I can see and hear. Something that is irrefutably tangible.

That’s why I love speaking, teaching, and writing. Because all these things are methods of empowerment.

Clue #5 – Being Timeless

I’ve always loved clocks. Something about the passage of time captures me. It’s romantic. It’s beautiful. And it’s sad. We will all die. And access to our knowledge will be gone forever – unless it has been documented.

I discovered my love of reading later in life, and contrary to what most people like to read (fiction), I gravitated towards memoirs and philosophical books. And the reason I loved to read these books… is not singular.

But if I HAD to pick a reason that I loved to read these books, it’s because these books felt like someone was talking to me.

It felt like the authors were giving me their gems of wisdom.

And they could be doing it 200 years after their death.

The Gospels, for example, is one of the books that really made an impact on me. I’m not Christian, so I decided to read it as a form of learning. I was astounded to the depth and timelessness of its’ principles. I use lessons from the Gospels to this day. It’s a great book – and I think everyone would learn plenty from it. If you were simply to learn the lessons from a non-spiritual lens, you’d get a lot out of it.

Secondly, quality and truth transcends time. I love stand up comedy for this reason. The great acts from 30-40 years ago are still funny today because the jokes are timeless. Just the other day, I rewatched segments of Eddie Murphy’s ‘Delirious’ and ‘Raw’ because some of the skits emerged in my own life. These videos were grainy, and 30 years old in camera technology – and yet, here I am rewatching them 40 years later. And I’m sure they will continue to be watched another 40 years from now.

Clue #6 – Tying it all Together

To tie it all together, your life gives you all the clues as to what purpose your life could serve.

My final clue is to do with something more practical – that is; my innate talents.

Innate talent isn’t something that you can develop over time. You are born with it to a certain extent, and you refine it later on. For example, someone who can paint, could probably paint better than other kids when they were 5. No one taught them how. They just had a knack for it.

My innate talents are probably many, some that I haven’t even discovered yet. For the sake of this article, I’ll just narrow it down to two broad categories. Communication (speaking and writing), and creation (products, services, ideas). When I look back at the impact I’ve had on people, it all ties back to these two skills.

I can articulate myself well to get through to the person in front of me.

And I can create the products or services that I know will help them.

But it’s truly a ‘chicken or the egg’ type of thing. I think being articulate and creative facilitate my impact and my impact continues to refine these two skills. And the effect of my impact, when I see them using what I taught them a decade after, is the final clue that says timelessness is what I’m after.

Do you remember the Olympians from the 1950s? No. I don’t either.

Will you remember me in 20 years time as the 2018 Australian Representative in Olympic Weightlifting? Of course not. Iin fact, do I even care? No, I don’t.

But if I can create a product or service that impacts thousands, or millions of people not just in my lifetime, but forever – THAT matters to me.

Viktor Frankl – who many of you have heard of, has been dead for quite a long time. And yet, many will continue to learn about him because of his famous book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning.’

Similarly, most people know who J.K Rowling is because of her Harry Potter books. And will continue to unless the Harry Potter series is somehow completely destroyed and all record of it, lost.

Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism – these all live on because of the texts that exist. Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Moses; these names will be forevermore because they have left timeless pieces of value.

The image of a clock has captured me since I could remember. The hourglass is an instrument of time. When I tied this together with my talents and what type of impact gave me the greatest satisfaction, it become clear that my part of my life’s purpose is to create timeless pieces of value that will help not only this generation, but if I dare – all generations after it.

Yours through Time,

Phil